The Advantages of Adversity
I’m certain that at one point or another, many of us have asked: Why do bad things happen to good people? And on a particularly bad day, some of us have wondered: Why is this happening to me? We have all witnessed, if not personally experienced, seemingly unnecessary misfortune fall upon the undeserving—a daunting medical diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, being let go from a job.
The first thing to consider is whether we might have done something to bring about the misfortune. If we are honest with ourselves, it is often the case that our prior choices played a role in our current suffering. There are plenty of obvious examples: years of smoking that led to lung cancer; driving while under the influence that caused an accident; gossiping about our neighbor and now she won’t stop to chat with us.
Unfortunately, there are also instances in which someone else’s actions cause our suffering, and that seems tremendously unfair. The old saying that “the good effort of each man benefits all men; the error or evil of each man augments the tribulation of all men” is quite literally true. This is one of the paradoxes of free will—it allows us to make choices that can adversely affect others, but without free will we wouldn’t be able to choose to do good. Perhaps it is worth suffering the consequences of others’ wrongdoings in order to afford them the possibility of doing what is right. While it’s not always the case, many of us do learn from our mistakes, and there is considerable value in that.
Then there are tragedies that occur without obvious connection to human choice—the tree that falls on our home, the storm that sinks a boat, the inevitable passing of our loved ones. What value could there possibly be in these events? I believe they provide opportunities for personal growth and a calling to do good for others. When my neighbor suffered a broken foot from a car accident, she needed help bathing herself. I was glad that she reached out to me because it allowed me to return the favor for all the holiday meals she had shared with me over the years! But more than that, in the process of helping her on such an intimate level, I grew to love her even more dearly. On the flip side, there are times when we need the assistance of others. I used to feel terrible asking anyone for help, but over time I realized that in doing so I was providing an opportunity for that person to do something kind for me, which ultimately benefits them, just as helping my neighbor was good for me.
Misfortune can also teach us new skills. When we discovered a gas leak in my son’s basement last year and learned how much it would cost to hire a professional to redo the piping, we read up on the process and conducted the repairs ourselves. Since then, we rerouted gas piping for a new stove, a dryer, and the HVAC system. Hardship can certainly spur innovation—historically, it is in marginal climates that we tend to see advances in infrastructure and technology.
Sometimes a shared loss can spawn new friendships and connections. A few years ago I was introduced to Simon by my long-time acquaintance Matthew via an online discussion group. When Matthew fell ill unexpectedly, Simon reached out to let me know he was in the hospital. After Matthew passed away, Simon and I kept in touch, sharing our memories and lamenting over our mutual friend’s untimely death. Nearly three years later, Simon and I chat almost every day, exchanging links to interesting articles or bemoaning the state of the world. Although we have never met in person, Simon has become such a valued presence in my life, but we likely would never have communicated directly if we hadn’t both suffered the loss of Matthew.
Likewise, a large-scale tragedy can provide ample opportunity for ministry to others and even create a sense of community. Consider the events of 9/11 and all the people who rallied to help those in need and in the process, forged new relationships. In very dark moments, adversity can shake us to re-evaluate what really matters—when your child is fighting for his or her life, finding the perfect pair of shoes to wear with that cute new dress becomes completely meaningless. My best friend’s son was born several weeks prematurely, and initially, he didn’t have the strength to even whimper. When he finally developed his lung power, my friend never resented hearing him cry.
With these considerations, I propose that we shift our reaction to adversity from dread or resentment to at least viewing it as a challenge, and at best, to welcome it as an opportunity for something good. Some would say that we only gain wisdom by experiencing tribulation—that we cannot perceive spiritual truth until we actually experience it, and many truths are not really felt except in adversity.